Thursday, October 18, 2007

Be Jealous

Be Jealous

I can't take credit for creating it from another blog, but thought I'd share (thanks Nikki!)

And for those who may take offense, this is all in good fun, and obviously does not apply necessarily to me, to everybody, or all disabilities since they all differ...

Enjoy...and be jealous you don't have one ;-)

The 100 Best Reasons for Having a Disability...

1. Cool toys.
2. Free money.
3. Random guys pick you up and carry you places.
4. Always the last person to be suspected of anything. (so true...)
5. Never have to wait in line at theme parks or concerts.
6. Priority housing.
7. Everyone thinks you're sweet and innocent (even if you're not).
8. No strangers will ever confront you because they're afraid of hurting your feelings.
9. When you run over people and tell them it's an accident, they actually believe you.
10. You can get people to do things like cook for you because you're in the chair.
11. Never have to take the stairs.
12. Hills are great fun if you have a wheelchair! (At least going downhill.)
13. People always look at you like you're an inspiration.
14. Double rides on all roller coasters.
15. Some teachers offer to help you out with notes, and you can show up late for class.
16. Every time you stand up, you can freak strangers out (or get an ovation from a crowd.)
17. Enormous bathrooms.
18. Shoes are an option
19. It's a great excuse for anything! (It's not my fault, It's my disability!)
20. You never have to worry about finding a place to sit
21. You end up with mad wheelie skills to impress people with
22. When your drunk, people never suspect, they just think that you have CP!
23. Time extensions on exams
24. You never have to do anything to get attention-- people are already staring
25. Never having to walk to class
26. Being able to "walk" with a use of a joystick
28. Developing a high pain tolerance is never a bad thing
29. Never having to demonstrate a problem on the board during math class
30. If you're slow people chalk it up to your disability instead of pure laziness
31. Burning off every calorie you eat at lunch in one trip to a non-handicapped accessible building
32. You could go out with a gaping hole in the seat of your pants and no one would notice
33. No matter what kind of crap you pull no one will ever kick you out of Bar or Club (hahahahaha)
34. Your wheelchair can double as a shopping cart when you and your friends go shopping
35. Handicapped Parking
36. An excuse to use the bumpers when bowling
37. Boyfriends or Friends the like giving you lots of hugs, kisses and sympathy when you fall, which is often
38. If people drop you or make you fall accidentally, they feel so bad that you could get them to do anything-- the question is will you?
39. No one makes fun of you for tripping and if they say, "walk much?" you get to say no.
40. People go out of their way to open doors for you
41. Going to college is a HUGE deal, if you go everyone around you is amazed
42. Parents brag about how "strong" you are
43. You get to kill stereotypes on a daily basis
44. You always have a lap to hold stuff on
45. People part like the red sea when they see you coming
46. Being bad at sports is a given so as long as you attempt to do it people are impressed
47. You have more life experiences than most people you know
48. Handicapped seating is usually in the front
49. Never having to take classes like gym and shop
50. You can get out in the middle of class at times
51. You can kick or hit people and claim it was a muscle spasm
52. People give you free drinks at coffee houses because the people at the counter think you're "sweet" )
53. If you break something by running into it or over it no one makes you pay for it.
54. You can meet the most awesome people when you have to ask strangers for help
55. Fuck with the heads of all the people that want to "save the poor crippled girl"
56. You can have your friends do your hair and makeup for you
57. The media loves you!
58. Everyone knows who you are (actually, a lot of people don't too.)
59. You're never too old for piggyback rides
60. You make a good walker for your injured friends or drunk ones.
61. You can get all excited about stupid stuff and people just think you're "cute"
62. You never have to act your age if you don't want to because strangers think you should be immature (i think i might be a bit insulted by that...)
63. You get to amaze people by actually being able to swim in the pool
64. If you don't have your chair with you many, many people will scamper and offer you their chair.
65. You can single-handedly be the amusement of all your friends
66. You get some great material for stand up comedy
67. You learn to appreciate the small victories
68. You are easily recognizable in a crowd
69. You are not easily forgotten (especially if run people over)
70. You can hide things next to you in your chair and or shop lift are they realy going to search your chair.
71. You can swallow pills without water
72. You are popular (even if it is just 'cuz you're the "cute handicapped girl"
73. People like to party with you! (There's nothing funnier than a drunk crip)
74. You can use the word "crip" and not be referring to a gang member
75. You never have to worry about getting your feet wet
76. You can use those carts with the seats attached at the store and make everyone wonder what the hell you're doing
77. No one ever questions your excuses
78. Pain killers (paid for by someone else)
79. Biker gloves aren't just for fashion anymore
80. No one questions anything you wear, do, or say
81. Slamming into doors to open them is kinda fun
82. You get praised for doing the simplest things
83. You don't have to worried about people giving you wedges
84. No worries if your pants are too big
85. Falling everyday gives you the skills to fall without injuring yourself
86. No one messes with you (for fear of being run over by a chair or impaled with a crutch)
87. You can incorporate your wheelchair into your Halloween costume and go as a transformer
88. If you drop something someone else will pick it up for you
89. You can in more circles in a smaller amount of time than anyone else
90. You can invent fun Wheelchair friendly games (make none disabled person go down a ramp and watch them fall. It hilarious)
91. Braces make it so you don't have to shave as often
92. You can get as many tattoo's as you want on your legs without pain
93. You don't have to worry if shoes a comfortable you don't feel it any way.
94. You can get into most bars an clubs without paying a cover.
95. Never getting ID at bars and clubs.
96. If your drunk you get just take a little nap in your chair
97. Great way to pick a cute guy up in a bar is run them over that they land in your lap. It works every time.
98. If you don't want to talk to someone you can make them think that your retarded and they will believe you.
99. You have great stories to tell at parties or gatherings
100. It just plain rocks and you know you're jealous!

1 comment:

Jos said...

LOL! Very funny list!
I was just thinking about buying a car, but after reading this...